No more online streaming for me; I have an offline life as well

By Purva Grover

Apple TV claims that ‘It’s TV the way I’ve always wanted to experience It’ is launching on November 1.

Amazon Prime Video is asking me to start my free trial today.

Zee5 is running an exclusive summer offer for me. They’re offering cash-back.

Hulu is the service I have to subscribe to for watching The Handmaid’s Tale. Soon, there’ll be the sequel as well, the book is out.

Zomato, the food people, are launching their video streaming service — 18 original shows over the next three months.

Did I mention there is Hotstar?

And of course, the good old Netflix is suggesting, ‘Top picks for Purva’.

I am not sure about you, but I am having a tough time staying in the game. I am not part of relevant conversations at social gatherings. I am unable to answer the question of the hour, “what’s trending?” I have not ‘Netflix-cheated’ on my partner. Such is my miserable state that I’ve accepted and announced that I’m so very ‘last season’ — not just across shows, across streaming services.

You may take this casually, call them first-world problems even. So be it.

Let’s start with the basic, I have an offline life as well, which involves brushing my teeth, showing up at work, eating, etc. Besides, the emphasis on physical and mental well-being has only got me busier. I’ve got to drink eight glasses of water, sleep eight hours, eat five soaked almonds, practice breathing exercises for five minutes, and drink 8oz of aloe vera juice. All this needs to be done daily — if I’ve got to survive the stress of modern life. Oh yes, take a break from the screen, every half-an-hour. Look at a green plant for three minutes to soothe my eyes. You get the drift. In short, I’m kind of on the clock here.

With that off my back, I wish to know what’s the data capacities of your smartphones? Like, don’t your friends send you cutesy videos of their babies, which eat into the bytes? Also, who’s keeping track of where you stand as you watch – show, season, service, etc. Do you have an app for that too? I’ve heard Next Episode is a good choice. Or do you take down notes for the same?

Yes, I’ll watch anything, anywhere, anytime. I do get that bespoke TV is just what we all dreamt of in the days of cable TV, DVD rentals… Aah, someone did say, “Be careful of what you wish for.” I told you I’m not living the dream. Btw, do people get notified when you unsubscribe from their YouTube channels? Also, I recently missed wishing a couple on their anniversary just because I missed watching their Instagram stories. While at it, is there a way to avoid IGTV showing up in the app? I could do with some help here.

PS: There’s, which claims to make realistic calculations on how long does it take to watch an episode/series. Have you tried it? Does it work?


Purva takes pride in her time-management skills otherwise

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